However, my week did not start like this at all, I started the week with a sense of dread looming over me. Two big dates were/are coming soon; April 19th CDH Awareness and April 23rd Waylon's due date. I have been feeling very fragile, like my heart has been a huge lump in my throat and that I could be on the verge of a break down. But instead, a chain of events have happened to have turned this into a week of great comfort...
Yesterday, I received a phone call from the doctor who officially diagnosed Waylon with CDH and performed the amniocentesis. I hadn't seen her since January and when I was put into a different hospital almost 2 months later, I was shocked to see her walk through the door the day I delivered Waylon. I will still remember what she said to me when she recognized me, she said how crazy it was that it was almost like "book ends," she was there in the beginning and was there in the end. So I was even more shocked to get the phone call and hear her say she had more information about Waylon.
To make a long story short, she gave me answers. Very bittersweet answers that told us that a very rare case of confined placental mosaicism showed trisomy 11. Meaning my placenta had trisomy 11, but Waylon didn't. The abnormal chromosome make up in my placenta explains why he probably formed the CDH, why I developed pre-eclampsia, and why I went into preterm labor. It answered the "whys" so I could finally lift the burden of guilt of WHY I went into preterm labor and WHY my body couldn't hold him any longer off my shoulders. I realized I've been putting the blame on myself even though I knew it was completely out of my control.
Then today reaffirmed how blessed I am to have a huge support of friends, family, and even strangers care about our story. I have been lucky to have an amazing group of people that have been on this roller coaster with me from the start. They are my coworkers, but they have become so much more than that, they are definitely my friends! They were there when I found out about Waylon's diagnosis, offering support, lending an ear when I needed to vent, and covering for me on the days I couldn't be at school (which ended up being a lot). When I walked into the building this morning I was surrounded in blue...they were all wearing baby blue to help me spread CDH Awareness and to remember Waylon. They even wore baby blue ribbons with Waylon's initials on them. It took my breath away, it was so hard not to let the tears flow then! The support was overwhelming...I know it wasn't just today they have been supportive, but to SEE it meant so much. I'm not going to lie, I needed to see it. It helped my heart...
My friends and family from near and far also posted about CDH on FB, checked in on me, and did everything they could to help spread awareness. Furthermore, I'm grateful for the effort they put in to increase their own knowledge about CDH. For each one to take a couple of minutes out of their own time to do research, so when someone asks them, "What's CDH?" they can give them correct information makes me so PROUD. So far, my life has lead me to these people for a reason...I now know that reason. How self-less, kind, and loving...My cup runneth over.
Most of all, my heart beat proudly today of all the love I know Waylon was feeling up in heaven. He is someone, he is my baby, he is my angel...and he is loved. He is loved by people who never got the chance to meet him or hold him. I want to thank everyone who has helped me keep his memory ALIVE. That is the biggest blessing of them all...
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