Here I am...

It has been obvious I haven't written anything lately.  I'm not exactly sure why not.  The summer has come and gone and so has the beginning of a new school year. So where was I this entire time?  I can honestly say, I don't know.  I suppose putting one foot in front of the other, trying to bring back some normalcy in my life. My grief has been all over the place, coming in waves of peaceful moments and then crazy storms that take over suddenly.  Some days I rock those waves, riding high on life....Other days, I'm sinking, barely surviving.

I've accepted the fact my son is gone and he won't be back.  I'm done asking why, because I KNOW he has a purpose in this world. I do believe a part of him will live on through me and the rest of his family.  I still think of him every day and I will do everything I can to keep his memory alive and in the hearts of others.

There comes a point in your grief that it's time to put your big girl pants on and take hold of this world with new vigor.  I am a very different person than I was 8 months ago.  I still cry (a lot), but I've learned to laugh again.  When your world is overcome with sadness, it is a blessing to find something to be happy about.  I've learned better ways to manage my stress and really not to sweat the small stuff that doesn't matter!  Why spin your wheels on things you cannot change?!  Wow, I can't believe I, Amanda Schaefer, just said that. Anyone who knew the "before me" knows that I am (was) a control freak to the core.  This is just ONE of the many life lessons I have learned in the past few months.

I've been thinking of all the people who have reached out to me this year and I cannot put into words how grateful I am for every one's kindness.  I apologize, because I know I've missed a few "Thank you" cards that should have been sent out months ago.  Please know, I appreciate each and every person that has followed Waylon's story, sent a card of sympathy or encouraging words, sent dinners, sent up thoughts and prayers, or even to those who have spoke of Waylon.

Perhaps the group of people I would like to thank the most though are those mothers that have lost a child of their own.  Without you I would not have survived.  You have seen the hell called child loss, but you STILL reach out to others.  How selfless...Each and every one of you are angels....To give to others when you have lost something so huge.  <3  I hope and pray I can be a light to someone, like you all have been for me.

I still don't know what's next...I've decided I never will.  It is no longer in my control, it's up to HIS plans.  I will follow with trust and faith, that every lil' thing is going to be alright.