Like, I used to be extremely terrified of death. I hated thinking of dying...I've always believed in God (still do), but I've never been very religious. I didn't know what happened to you after you died. Yes, I've heard of Heaven...but what is it? What would it be like after I died? Where would I go?
On Gracyn's 1st birthday (one week before Waylon's birth day)...Gracyn and I(and Waylon) were baptized. This was a beautiful experience. As Pastor Susan poured the water over my head I felt like everything would be okay. I felt protected and safe. At that moment we didn't know what Waylon's fate would be...But I knew with accepting Christ in my life....He would be okay. Now, I'm still not overly religious and don't like religion pushed on me, so I don't want to push my beliefs on others. I don't claim to know everything, because I still have a lot to learn. I just know how I "felt" that day.
Waylon has taught me a lot already. The first thing, there are some things in life that are completely out of our control. I am a control-freak, it's in my nature...it's how I roll. I had a very hard time accepting this at first. When we found out about Waylon's CDH I quickly realized it was out of my hands, but I did all I could to help protect him while he was still with me. With every kick and roll I felt, I knew I would do anything and everything for this little boy, it's what mom's do. I had to trust in this higher-being that everything WOULD be ok.
The second thing, is to not be afraid of dying. My baby boy is waiting in Heaven for me. That is reason enough for me to no longer be afraid. I know when my time comes I will be laid to rest right next to my precious lil baby. And when I make it to Heaven I will be able to hold him in my arms again....
I'm not "obsessed" with death, but I sure do think about it a lot more now. Heck I'm 27 years old and already have a plot picked out. I wish I had a picture of Waylon's casket he was buried in. It was simply beautiful...solid red oak and it had a cross we were able to keep with his name engraved into it. It was made by monks and each casket is given a blessing before they send it to wherever. We were given a card with the blessing written on it and the signature of the monk who blessed it.
It said..
"Merciful Father, by your Son's suffering, death, and rising from the dead, we are freed from death and promised a share in your divine life. By the hands of monks, raised each day in praise of your goodness, this casket was prepared for your child who died in faith. We ask you now to bless this casket. Receive the soul of our departed loved one who is laid in this humble bed as in a cradle, safe in your care until the day of resurrection when we will all be reunited in the vision of your glory who are the Father, Son and Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen."
This blessing called his casket his crib...Before I'd probably be driven to hysterics but honestly this makes me feel "ok." This is where his tiny body is forever laid to rest. The small details the monks put into his eternal crib made it feel special...
Okay, so I may have freaked out some of you that are reading this now...I just find the small details that surrounded Waylon when he left this Earth DO bring me some kind of peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment